A fellow OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker) and I was talking over Skype today.
He opened with, “Grabe ang laki-laki, Migs! Kasinglaki–singhaba, sintaba–ng Coke Sakto!”
“Ay huwaw. Sarap?” was my response, giggling. I thought it would just be one of those superficial baklaan conversation. Luveeet!
“Masakit! I’m bleeding now, parang may hymen lang ako! Hahaha!” at nakuha pa niyang tumawa.
“Feeling gurl ka!”
“Well it was a big dick. Tinamaan nga yata ang pancreas ko.”
“Aside from the dick, what else?” I probed.
“That’s it. Wala na.”
“Ahhh! Isa siyang malaking tite, yun na!”
He was washing his bedsheets while we were talking. As the stains started to dissolve in the soapy swirls inside the washing machine, our conversation turned serious.
“Nagkakaroon ako ngayon ng emo syndrome after. Tell me Migs, why am I feeling uncomfy?” he asked.
“Aba, eh bakit nga ba? [Gawin ba akong manghuhula ng hitad!] Did you do it safely?”
“Yes. Very, very safe in fact.”
“So where is that uncomfy feeling coming from?”
“I don’t know. Didn’t like it much, really. Could it be that I’m someone who actually doesn’t like sex at all?”
“Ganoooon!?!? One sex experience lang, ganyan agad ang conclusion? Any other reasons why you would think that?”
“Because it was just sex. He just porked me, that’s it. Wala man lang conversation.”
* * *
Something in me clicked. The idea that we, as human beings, are both material and spiritual beings. Meaning, we have material or bodily needs, and we also have spiritual needs. They are different and distinct needs. Sex, the act in itself, is a bodily need. Connecting with another, intimacy, is a spiritual need. Now, beware of snap judgements. My belief is that one need is not necessarily better than the other. We should appreciate both, sex and intimacy. We should celebrate both, without having to automatically feel guilt or remorse (“It was nothing but meaningless sex!” or “I like him, we really connect, but wala akong nararamdamang libog sa kanya.“)
* * *
Sex is good, we all know that, yet many of us feel guilty about it. Eh ano naman kung panandalian lang ang sarap nito? Let’s enjoy it hangga’t kaya! Intimacy is good too, and friendship is one shining example of that. Don’t we all love our dear, dear friends? You see, both are good.
* * *
I told my OFW friend,
“Well you have 2 choices. First is to live your life always yearning, searching, for The One — that one person who will satisfy both your passionate desire for bodily pleasure and your deep need to connect with another soul. Nothing wrong with that per se. Only caveat is, you may miss the many other beautiful experiences life brings you every now and then.
“The second, and for me the more obvious choice, is this: enjoy every encounter you have. One may offer you great, steamy sex, and that’s it, nothing more — enjoy and appreciate it. Another may offer you deep satisfying friendship, that’s it, nothing more — enjoy and appreciate it. Meanwhile, because you have been appreciating and enjoying life, more and more people see your joy and zest for life. No guilt, no remorse, no hangups — just vibrant cheerfulness! More and more people are naturally attracted to you. Just by statistics alone, you have upped your chances, without even trying, to meet The One. And even if The One doesn’t come along, or when death calls before The One arrives, you would have lived a full and happy life. Practical thoughts, right?”
* * *
So bottomline, my dear OFW friend, call upon the magic of compartmentalization. Enjoy meaningless sex. Okay lang yan, it can be great you know! And, while at it, find yourself some new friends in that foreign land you are in. Believe that one day, we’ll chat again and you will tell me that everything, all life’s puzzle pieces, are falling into place. Fit na fit, bonggang-bongga, at saktong-sakto.