A NOT SO TRUE PHILIPPINE GHOST STORY ni A.H. Woo Jr galing sa libro ni Alex Cruz

The say flea markets ( or the ukay ukay in Filipino) are great places for bargains. You can get great stuff for great prices, like branded shirts for 3 for 100. But what if i told you that when you buy second-hand stuff from ukay ulays, you get something for free? Yes, thats right. FREE STUFF. It is, however, a free thing that sounds like Jhost and Nulto.
Do you still want it?
The tale i will now tell really happened. In fact, it did happen to me. You may choosr to be like Ripley and believe it or not. But after reading this, you would ask yourself a simple question. “Shorts ko po?!”

It all started one uneventful afternoon in May of 2008. I was walking the streets of my hometown and waving to the people i know along the way. I was very happy because i had 100 pesos worth of cash. I earned it from refunding the pirated compact discs that i bought yesterday. I fooled the vendor that it was broken but it was really not.
Suddenly, i walked past an ukay-ukay store. It was new but it was old. I had never seen it before but it looked like an antique. I was drawn by its splendor so i entered the establishment.
I felt a little scared.
“Whoa!” U said as i saw a super bargain bin insode the store pf second-hand goods. Inside the bin were several items of clothing. Everything was imported from a different country. I was not scared anymore. In fact, i was excited. “WOW!” I shouted.
What actually made me excited were te shorts for sale inside the bargain bin. It was on sale for only 99 pesos. Immediately, i knew i wanted to buy this puece of textile that had an elephant design and a trunk for “ling accessories”. D’you know what i mean? Coz i really had such ling accessories. I picked it up and looked for the sellers.
I walked atound the bog store but pretty soon, i realized that there was no one inside the store. Nonetheless, i was happy and super gay because of my shorts. I wanted to quickly get home so i could try my shorts on. Being a very honest peraon, i just left the money on the counter and wrote a note on my 100 peso bill. “KEEP THE CHANGE DUDE.”

Soon, i arrived home together with my shorts, which i learned were called boxer shorts. I think they named it as such because ony boxer can wear these great shorts. U was happiet that ever because one of my idols is Manuelito Manny “Pacman” “Paquito” Pacquiao. Actually, one of my dreams is to become a great boxer.
After reaching my room, i quickly put on the shorts aka boxers. It was very comfortable and nice. I shadow-boxed in my room and felt like i was slowly becoming like my idol, Manny. “Para sayo ang boxers na to,” i sang aloud.
Suddenly, i felt that the comfortof my new old shorts was too much and i was soon sleeping in my bed. There was a cool breeze inside my room and i felt like i was sleeping in a very cold place.
I even failed to notice that i was alone in our house and no one was there inside our house. I didnt care because i was comforted. Little did i know, though, that my comfort was about to be uncomfortable.

“Ill eat you hotdog,” said a mysterious voice that awoken me from my slumber.
“Ok, no problem,” i answered. I thought this was my neighbor, Pablo. He pften eats our hotdogs at homr. He’s my best friend so i allow him to eat my hotdogs, which are always supposed to be my breakfast or lunch or dinner


“Oh spit!” I realized that we didnt have any htdogs today. I started sweating from my armpits and cracks of buttocks. Was i hallucinating or was the hotdog-eating voice real? I didnt know what to do.
“Ill eat your hotdog!” The phantom voice said again. This time, i followed it to the source. My head was spun around the room, looking for the speaker. I couldnt find it but when i looked down to my ahorts, i saw that i was bleeding. “I’m bleeding!” I shouted.
“Hahaha!” The voice was now laughing and i felt strange pain with my lions. Somethig was chewing me from within the boxer. I started to panic.
“HOTDOG, HOTDOG, HOTDOG, MMMMMM.” The voice was scaring meso much. My body was unable to move from te fright.

I was alone and didnt know what to do. “PABLO! PABLO! HELP ME!” I houred in hopes that my dear friend would help me from my attacker. The blood from my shorts was starting to become like a flood of red tide.
Then, the windows in my room cracked and flew. Pablo was going to save me from the monster shorts with the elephant design. Pablo looked at me and my shorts and said, “Have you finally become a woman mu friend?”
I was too dizzyto respond to his koke about mentrual cycle.
Suddenly. “You will not defeat me!” Said the voice in my shorts.
“Aarrgh!” I said.
With great strenght and power, pablo realized the gravitas of my situation and pulled my shorts, freeing me from the killer shorta. In my mind, i was wondering weather, Manny my idol, also faced the same problem with his boxers. Does a wannabee boxer have to go through this challenge in lifeto be as great as The Pacquiao juggernaut?

By then, i was free and Pablo had thrown the sxary shorts on the floor. But i was terrified, i was naked and i have never been comfortable being naked in front of other people.
“Dont look at me, Pablo.” I said to my hero.
“Dont worry , my friend. We all havr the same body parts so you dony have to be so scared. Do you want me to take off my shorts too so you wont be scared anymore?”
“No. Its ok, Pablo. Thanks.” I replied to him and told him to please turn around while i put on a different pair of shorts. I was ery thankful to my best friend.
“By yhe way,” Pablo Said, would it be alright if i ate your hotdog?”
“Im sorry, Pablo. We dont havr any hotdogs today.” I said very apologetically.
“I know.”


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